My most searched term right now is ‘how many days until November 11?’ and my heart and mind are desperate for that day to arrive but at the same time, overwhelmed by all that has to be done before that day arrives. No, it isn’t the day of the wedding. It’s the day of my final exam at Moore Theological College and between now and then there are 9 assessments and what feels like endless words to go and honestly, I’m not sure if I’ve got it in me to keep going.
I’m so very tired of this desk, of these blank white walls, of due dates and lecture rooms and assigned meal times and I keep being told that sometime soon sentimentality will kick in and my desire to prolong this experience will join it. But oh, no. I am so very tired of the pressures of studying and all I want to do is decompress and swim in the ocean and read books about other worlds and read the Scriptures without essays in the back of my mind and ride my bike along the Cooks River and not be going over content always.
I’m done. And yet, I cannot be done just yet.
These words that I’m trying to write matter somehow and these days are doing something to prepare me for serving God and His people and they’re helping me understand myself and the world around me better but I just… Well, I’m tired.
Normally I’d try to find a pretty bow to wrap around a post like this. Something to tell you that there is hope and there is purpose and it’ll all be okay, and all that is true, but right now, I’m tired. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be tired sometimes.
(If you want a practical way to help in these next 28 days apart from praying, tea and fruit are both helpful but also hard to get to me, but if you want to assist with that from far away, chuck me some dollars here and I’ll probably weep with gratitude.)