In this house with too many rooms, it feels a little bit like a camp all the time. There’s not a day when we don’t talk with each other or see each other, and there’s no moment when I feel like I could even go to the bathroom without risking running into someone. In this house with too many rooms, I struggle to know where to fit and how to be when there’s so few places to hide.
I suppose this house with too many rooms should feel like a home by now. It has been eight months. It’s been eight months of great moments and memories, friendships forged and endless cups of tea. It isn’t that I don’t like this house with too many rooms. It’s just that somedays, I struggle to live in it. I struggle to know where to sit at meals and who to speak to at morning tea. I struggle to navigate the morning tea room – you know the one, where the tea cups are on the edge of the room and the milk and sugar are in the middle, so you have to squish through the people in the room to get to the milk and sugar whilst keeping a tenuous hold on your fragile foam cup? That one. I struggle with that room.
It’s days like today, when this house with too many rooms feels too big, and all I want to do is go home. Except, I’m always struck by the fact that there’s no where to go from here that I would call ‘home’. There isn’t a place to escape to. It isn’t that I want to go home because there isn’t a home to go to. It’s just that I’d like to curl up on a couch in my pyjamas and drink tea and read a book without worrying about who might see me.
In this house with too many rooms, I’ve grown and continue to grow, both in knowledge and love of God, and His people… But today I just don’t want to be here. There are too many rooms, and I simply want to feel at home. Perhaps this feeling will pass. But for now, I’ll stay in bed and long to feel like I don’t have to hide. Perhaps it’ll pass by itself.
This house just has too many rooms some days…
this post was not written today. million housemates, I do like you lots. today I probably feel more inclined to spending time with you than I did at the time of writing this.