Today is self-harm awareness day, and there are words I’d love to say, but they often escape me before they can tumble onto a page. Those that find their way there feel messy and fragile; incomplete equations to healing that are missing just one thing that I cannot find. It leaves me fumbling. It leaves me mumbling. It leaves my heart worn and tired.
Tonight I saw Silver Linings Playbook, and the words it seems were written for me. They aren’t neat, eloquent, or beautiful, but there is a truth to them that I cannot deny, and rings so true for a day when we are thinking about self-harm.
Tiffany, in a moment of anger, says with fire and conviction, “There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself.” Her self acceptance comes from a strange place, but mine comes from Christ, and I am willing to rest in his strength on the days when mine fails… But here’s the crux of it all…here’s why I think those words matter.
Your mess isn’t something to hate yourself for, nor is it something to hate about yourself.
Your scars are not shameful.
Your wrestle with the desire to turn to a blade for comfort is not one you must face alone, because that messy part is much easier to face when you’re not alone in it.
See, friends, there is a part of all of us that is dirty and sloppy and I like that. I like that our stories collide and are meshed into the grand narrative being written by the God who made the universe. I like that he takes us, mess and all.
It’s self-harm awareness day today, and I think I want you to know that it’s okay to be dirty and sloppy sometimes. It’s okay. You’re not too far gone. You never will be. He is bigger than your deepest wound and oldest scar.