#25; mother’s day

Mother’s Day has never been my favourite day. With all the accolades being thrown towards mothers, I find myself cringing. I find myself wondering why I didn’t have the same. I wonder why my mother greeted my love of dancing with a bemused, knowing smile that let me know that she was only humouring me. I wonder why she handed me book after book, pushing me further into a fantasy world, rather than bringing me into the real world.
All this angst aside, I feel content today. There are moments when I quietly wonder if the 12WBT, and all the events of the last year and a bit have actually done anything – if maybe God pressed pause on his activity in my life and left me alone to shrink physically but to remain the same emotionally. 
Today, I came home from church – the place where I am employed as a children’s and youth minister, and therefore have to be engaged and cheery of a Sunday, even if it is Mother’s Day. I took my shoes off, slipped my warm coat off and pulled a hoodie over my head. I made a cup of tea, grabbed a few pieces of fruit and sat down to do some typing and thinking. 
I looked in the mirror. 
And I realised that, I am content today. I am content with the way I feel, bundled up in a hoodie that’s a medium size and is just a bit too big. It would have been fitted in February last year. I feel content with my glasses on and Ben Folds playing quietly on my laptop. 
This contentment is more and more common lately. Physically, I am okay. Emotionally, I am okay. 
And that’s worth writing about. 
So, happy mother’s day to all you mothers… I hope you enjoy your day. 
I know I’m enjoying mine – even if it is minus the mother. 

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