Why? (Old)

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” 1 John 3:1

This morning I woke up at 3:42am, just as I have every day for the past week or so. It is strange. Normally I wake up to a strange silence, groan a bit, get a drink of water and then go back to sleep. Today it was different. I woke up to a storm outside and lay awake listening to it pound down around the house, and when the rain faded away, an eerie stillness came over and all that I could see was a haze of orange, sort of like the sunrise forgot that it was meant to stay on the horizon – not fill all of the suburb. I looked out at it through sleepy eyes and thought “God’s up to something amazing today.”

He was. He is.

This morning I made toast for Dapto High students and loved it, had a scripture lesson where the class talked a lot (as they do) but said a whole lot of good things among the noise, and told someone who thought that Catholic Confirmation was what gave you assurance of salvation that believing and proclaiming that Jesus is Lord is what saves you, not sacraments.

This afternoon I spent time thinking that maybe I messed up, that maybe I should have gone to university somewhere in Sydney, because being this invested in the church and working towards being paid for ministry is hard. Not because I don’t love it, but because it comes at a cost and today I felt a heavy weight of what the cost is for me.

This morning I felt like God was doing something amazing, and this afternoon I sat there feeling torn. The thing is, though, that both morning and afternoon God was doing something amazing. In me and through me, whether or not that is something I understood at the time. I wont pretend that I am smiling as I write this, because tonight I am letting myself feel sad, but I know that this suffering will produce perseverance and that will produce character and from that comes hope, and hope doesn’t disappoint us. Paul wrote most of that sentence in Romans, by the way. I’m not quite that level headed that I’d be able to come up with that, nor is everything I write God breathed.

God is up to something amazing today, and why is that? Because He loves me. Why? Because He does. And because of that great love He has adopted me as his child and even though I’m broken and hurting and love to complain about my scabby knees…

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