Exposed

There are moments that freeze you. Your heartbeat quickens but your body is stuck, even though all you want to do is run and hide. Eventually you respond, and there’s another moment… You hold your breath, everyone else freezes and finally, life resumes but you still haven’t recovered. I had one of those this week. I still haven’t caught my breath. But I know why now…

I felt naked. I was exposed, one of my biggest weaknesses out there to be seen clearly by anyone who had heard the conversation, and it scares me. In a place we call community, more often than not, the self we put forward to that group isn’t our whole self. It’s the person we’d like people to believe we are. Strong, in control, maybe even invincible… But we’re not. I love the way Brennan Manning describes us “wobbly and weak kneed disciples.” That’s what I am. I have scrapes on my knees and scars on my arms and I am not okay with that some of the time. I want to be able. But I am not. I am only able when I’m resting on God’s strength.

That moment froze me. But maybe next time I’ll breathe easy, because God’s people are meant to be broken… together, and healed together by the grace of God.

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